Welcome to the Thirties Club. Here are a few pointers.

I’m turning 31 in a few weeks. After nearly a year of this ‘Flirty Thirty’ charade, here are my two cents pence.  


3 Things you’ll miss when you’re 30

1. Your 20s

Obviously. You’ll look at those ‘crazy kids’ with (mature, dignified, adult) annoyance, yet secretly, you’ll yearn, with something akin to nostalgia, for those reckless, carefree days. You’ll know you’ve reached this point when several conversations start with sentences such as: ‘When I was young…’, and ‘Back in my day…’


2. Getting ID’d

Okay, so for the blessed amongst us, this may or may not be true. Perhaps you’re still having to flash your ID at bouncers or the nice lady at the Co-Op. For us regular folk, this occurrence has dwindled at an alarming rate since the age of 24, and whilst I hate to be the bringer of bad news and whatnot, it is highly unlikely that it will ever happen again, now that you’ve reached your third decade. Never mind—in three more decades, you’ll get to flash your very own bus pass.


3. Freedom

You’ve been free all your life, I’m sure—not necessarily free from the restraints of modern society perhaps, but let’s be glad that you’re not (one assumes) in prison. That said, when you turn 30, you will, without knowing why, feel those social restraints tighten a little more. It’s not that you can’t do the things you did in your 20s, but if and when you do behave like a devil-may-care, brazen-faced flirt on a Saturday night (or a Tuesday night for that matter), you feel as though everyone in the room ‘expected more’ of you because you’re neither a) a teenager in ‘discovery mode’, nor b) a twenty-something fun-freak making the most of your youth. You’re 30. It’s a slap in the face with the cold, wet fish of reality. Ah well, at least you’re prepared, and just in case your restraints become a little snug in the future too, it’d do well to note: they loosen up nicely with the right amount of alcohol.


Besides, it’s not all doom and gloom ahead… 

3 Things to look forward to when you’re 30

1. Cake

It’s your birthday! Of course you’ll have cake. That’s a rule, it might even be the law.


2. Hangovers

I’m not talking about the kind you’re used to; the kind you get pre-30. No, this hangover is the mother of all head-popping, projectile-vomiting, liver-shrivelling, oh-lord-I-think-I-might-be-dying morning-after experiences. Pre-30, you boast the coveted talent of drinking ’til you drop, only to resume partying in a few hours, with a full day’s work thrown in the mix. You handle your drink—you’re no lightweight, you’ve got stamina—a right little party animal. Post-30, you’re lucky if, after a full-on night out, you can haul yourself out of your bed of pain without doing yourself a mischief—and two days later you’re still recovering. If you’re really lucky, like me, this post-30 hangover will hit when you’re 27, cos I’m über-advanced and clever like that.


3. Wisdom

It is common knowledge that all humans are supposed to become wiser with age. If thirty years worth of mistakes and trials have brought you no reward thus far, fear not; reaching the grand milestone of 30 will have you reaping benefits. The amount of wisdom will however depend quite a bit on how much of the stuff you had to begin with, and how well you apply it. I can’t help you there—I’ve had the majority of my wisdom removed via excruciating dental treatment. What’s everyone else’s excuse? Still, this gives me, and anyone else who missed out on this batch, something to look forward to when we reach 40, since you get a wisdom top-up then, too, apparently.


What things do you miss the most, now that you’re 30 or over? Or if you’re under 30 (you jammy bastard!), what do you think you will eventually miss the most?

On a happier note, what’s the best thing about it?

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